Finding My Roar //
“In the mirror I see a lion
It's still finding its roar
Used to be just a shadow
Now I know I’m much more.
No longer silent.
And no longer still.
I am a lion and I've found my roar.”
I recently found this poem that I wrote last year. As I read it, I began to think about all the emotions we all feel when comparison takes over. “Used to be just a shadow, but now I’m much more” during the time I was writing this, I was overcoming a battle of comparison. I had just really started trying to figure out what I saw myself as and if I liked what I saw or not. A compliment I got a lot was "I love your long hair!" Although I love this compliment so much, I was also getting follow up comments like "Your hair reminds me of ........." For a long time, I let comments like these come in and steal my joy. I would go away and think about the person they mentioned and think about how their hair was a little longer, shinier, and nicer. It didn't stop there. I would then compare skin, personality, how many friends they had and all sorts. It went from a small hair comment to comparing all aspects of me to people that are my friends. I let comments like that define me.
In the midst of feeling like I was in the shadow of someone all the time, I found myself in another shadow – the shadow of HIS wing, and of all places that is where I found my roar. I found my confidence in the sacred place. Little did I know, that would soon be where I thrived. After I began to get in touch with Jesus, after I became familiar with how HE sees me and who HE says I am, I found that I could be so powerful if I just had confidence! I had to stop trying to be confident in the things that stole my confidence, and that I was a lot different than anybody else. I had to remember that I wasn't made to be anything other than who He created me to be.
Sometimes, we try to find confidence in what we think others find their confidence in because it may look cool or be the “IT” thing, but the only place that got me was a shadow. I was trying so hard to take on identities of people that were so different from who I actually am. I learnt that when your mindset is all on Jesus and not another person, confidence comes relatively easy. When your focus is on a person you find comparison, but when your mindset is on Jesus you overflow with confidence.
When I thought I had to be like a specific person or people, a pressure came on me that began to silence my roar. But as I searched for my voice in whom Jesus made me to be, I realised who Nikki was. Guess what, she’s a lot different than anyone I've ever met. Can you relate? Well, if you on the other side of the screen know exactly how it feels- can I just say this… IT IS NORMAL AND OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT. That is what makes the body of Christ so beautiful. Differences actually make my friendships more powerful. Some of us live organised, some of us live spontaneous, some of us live loud, and some of us don't. But we have learnt aspects of these things from each other! You see, when we understand that some of our differences can be our greatest strengths, we empower each other to be the strongest, boldest and loudest we have ever been.
"But the Godly are as bold as Lions" -Proverbs 28:1
Here are some things about me:
I love to draw and paint. Nobody else in my family is even the slightest bit creative, so that is something uniquely mine. I love to sit in my space and have a lot of quiet time. I don't even think the word 'quiet' is in any of my closest friends' vocabulary! If it’s Friday night, you will find me chilling out with a good book. You would more than likely find my friends at a huge social gathering. I can out sass anyone in my family. I have mastered the dry sense of humour and sarcasm as a craft – don’t even try using sarcasm on my mum because it goes right over her head. When I finally found out these are just parts of what makes me, ME, and not what makes me opposite of people closest to me, my roar got louder once again.
Without Jesus, none of this would’ve been made possible. Jesus helped me understand my worth, and to know your worth is to have confidence. If you truly believe you're worthless, then where is your confidence? Jesus died on the cross to show you that you are worth more than you could EVER imagine, and that is what I am confident in. I have confidence because I know I am worth more. I have come a long way in my relationship with Jesus, and I still have got a long way to go. I pray that my journey through this will open your eyes and see what Jesus is trying to do in your heart, and with everything in me, I hope that you find your ROAR too.
Love, N. x