Friendship Is The Foundation //
I've been getting quite a few questions from you guys lately on the subject of friendship, so I thought I'd hit two birds with one stone and give you what's in my heart and mind here.
I think that there are a lot of key things and elements to a good friendship, and while a lot of people see things differently to me, this is how I personally value and base my friendships (and most other relationships) in my life.
Firstly I think a main thing that speaks to me in my friendships with others- that I struggled with for a long time is not competing with or envying one another. It's important to recognise that it's not a competition, and there is enough for everyone. We hear a lot that comparison is the thief of joy.. but it really is. There is no point giving in to this and giving the enemy something to feed off of. Celebrating and being excited for the talents and achievements of people in my life actually does something for me too- it feeds my spirit and my soul with so much joy. God gave them that talent and I got to see it in action. Wow! In the same way, know that we are all created beautiful and unique, and realise that not looking like them, or having the exact same talents is a good thing. Life would be so boring if we all looked the same and were good at the same thing! When I see one of my friends that I think is looking good, rather than thinking "man, they are so much prettier than me", I tell them what i'm thinking. I compliment them and let them know. By doing that, and I know that this sounds weird, but it makes me pretty too... in the sense that, by doing this, you are speaking LIFE into that person. That's such a beautiful thing and I think it reflects your inner beauty!
In terms of relationships... People often say that they consider their significant other- boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever- their best friend. I definitely agree- can you imagine being in a relationship with someone you weren't friends with?! No thanks..Ha! So, in the same way as a friendship, a lot of these things I mentioned earlier i'd also suggest keeping in mind for a relationship as well. I feel like sometimes in a relationship with a boy, the real meaning of a best friend is forgotten. Like, some people.. the way they treat their significant other, they would neeever treat a best friend- so I guess ultimately your friendships set the tone for the rest of your relationships too. I've had to challenge myself and some of my friends about this lately because if you think about love or how the bible talks about love, it says love is PATIENT, love is KIND, it does not ENVY, does NOT keep a record of wrongs, it is NOT SELF SEEKING and so on. Sometimes in a relationship or a friendship these get a little left behind because it can be overtaken by feelings or circumstances.
So I challenge you to hold on to what the bible says about love and about friendships, because that will ultimately dictate how most other people are treated in your life. Value your friendships and make sure that those people are treated right, and then when you get into a relationship, if it doesn't match that, then you will know that that's not your best friend... and that's not so good. That may not even be a friend at all- it might be someone you think you love because maybe you've given your heart too soon, or you've gone too far, or you've made mistakes or maybe you're just really infatuated with them and your feelings are speaking louder than truth. But without knowing what a good relationship looks like, you won't be able to recognise any of those things.
With this season that I am currently in, I'm single because I am focusing on building a foundation for what a relationship means to me in my life, recognising if I am being a good friend, but also if people I call a friend are actually treating me like a friend or a 'best friend' too- because in the past I have been a little naive with these things. I am also constantly reminding myself of what love is and what the bible says it is, and how to celebrate other people, how to not be jealous and how to not keep a record of wrongs (this one applies to myself as well- you need to love yourself and follow all these steps with YOU too!)
So yeah, celebrate friends, encourage and cheer on each other, learn how to grow in a relationship, and make sure to talk about stuff. If there is something that you've been hurt by, make sure to make it known to them! But in saying this, also recognise when you aren't being treated good. If you've told them something has hurt you, and they keep doing it, just keep moving forward with friends who DO treat you well and who DO love and speak life like a friend should! The way i think about it is that the people you are around will dictate your weather, so spend time with the ones who dictate the weather in a good way.
I hope this helped and answered some of your questions!
Love, N x