Dear The Hurting Heart - Love, Me. //
Some things don’t end the way we wish they would end, but that’s what happens.
In life, things end. Friendships end, relationships end, and sometimes even we see lives ended.. and we experience a heartbreak on a level that we never really considered would happen at a young age.
We can’t predict what’s going to happen. We can’t even predict the next hour of our lives.. We can plan out how we’d like it to happen- the best case scenario, but the world always has other plans, and no matter how hard we try, some things we just cannot plan for.
It feels weird for me to say that I want to be the same kind of example to you in the HARD times as I aim to be in the GREAT times- but it’s true.
I want you to know that I am not someone trying to uphold an image of ‘everything is perfect all the time’, because that is not a realistic reflection of anybody’s life, whether they would like to admit it or not. I’m not perfect, and I take pride in saying that. I love having so much I am yet to learn and grow towards.
I want you to know , if you are hurting right now, for whatever reason it may be- that I feel your pain. That we are hurting the same way. We both feel that drop in our stomach. I know exactly how you’re feeling, I really do.
And, so does Jesus. More than any of us.
I know that a lot of you right now are bound in bitterness.. The day this hurt started for me, I promised myself I would not be bound in bitterness. And I won’t be.
Because, Friday night, I listened to a podcast as I was driving home, that talked about being bound by things in this life, and in this world. As it touched on bitterness, It made me think, am I bitter about this? Yes, totally. Will I be bound by it? Absolutely not. This does NOT have a hold on me, and I WILL turn the page.
I could sit here right now and it’d be easy for me to say that when the first one of my friends (and yes, there has been more than one) committed suicide, it was the worst day of my life.
I mean.. yeah, it was a bad day.
But, instead, today I am saying- yes, this happened. It was horrible. For a lot of people. And it was sad. It felt like It pulled my entire heart out. But there is still more.
Last night I was reading this verse, it hit me in a way that it never had before, and it says "Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground" (Psalm 143:10)
From this, I see that despite EVERYTHING that I think is awful- God has a purpose for me.. So each day, instead of waking up and thinking about hurt and pain, I am waking up, and I am thinking, God, thank you for leading me to level ground. Thank you that I am on my way there right now. Teach me to do your will. Don’t let me be bound by bitterness. Don’t even let me get super sad.
Because I’m not created to just be sad
God isn’t going to lead me on a rollercoaster, He is leading me to level ground.
If I’m seeking His will, then great things are to come.
And friend, I know it hurts.. trust me.. I know
But I also know that there is an opportunity for more right now. For growth.
Being bitter is not helping anyone.
So, today, I’m saying.. you know what… sometimes it takes going through the really bad stuff, to get to the good stuff.
And God has great things coming for you.
So I hope this helped you in some way- writing this was not something I was looking forward to, nor was it planned. But it was on my heart and I genuinely could not bring myself to put up any other post today. This is the real moment.
I truly do love and care for all of you, and just know
You got this. You do.