An Insight into Mental Health & Overcoming //
There have been so many posts about mental health circulating on social media as of late.
I quickly realised that as much as i wanted to avoid this conversation, me having a platform to share a message on, but being silent- especially about something so close to me- isn't how i want to be.
That my desire to help someone, even if it's just one person, is stronger than my fear of vulnerability.
So here I am.
Racking my brain in search of something that is constructive, yet not cliché.
We've all heard 'stay strong' or 'speak up'- or even said these things more times than we'd like to admit. And that's ok.
You see, if someone had told me to stay strong when I was at my lowest, I would have assumed they were empty words. I would exclaim "you don't have a clue!" or some angsty teenage sentence. But for a long time, empty words were largely what i heard. These were from people I'd considered friends, but actually just wanted to know what was going on, and didn't really care.
But here I am, someone who can whole heartedly tell you that every word i am about to say is full of so much emotion. Someone who cares and understands more than you'd know.
So, deep breath. Here goes.
Hi, I'm Nikki.
I've struggled with mental illness for as long as I can remember.
But mental illness no longer defines me. Because I choose not to let it.
There have been times when I have wanted nothing more than to leave this Earth.
There have been times when I have cried so hard that it felt like my entire soul was weeping with me.
There have been times when I have felt so hurt, or alone, that I have cut my own skin.
There have been times when I have been awfully underweight, but when I looked in the mirror, I thought I was huge.
There have been times when I thought the only way to cope was to be under the influence of something.
And there was a time when I insisted I would not live beyond 18.
But all of those times passed. And a new day waited afterward.
From all of these times,
I have grown, learnt, and experienced.
My favourite saying is "in the big scheme of things."
In the big scheme of things, I have a home, I have people who love me, I get to try again tomorrow, I am ok.
This makes me grounded and helps me remember that a lot of feelings are largely about perspective.
Remembering how fortunate I am- compared to a lot of people, changes my perspective immediately.
I used to ask God, in the midst of pain and suffering, how all of this hurt could be His plan for me.
This year I found out how.
I am the strongest, happiest, and most excited for the future than I have ever been.
I am still growing, and I am excited to continue to become my best self.
But if none of this had happened, I wouldn't be able to have conversations with people like I do, and honestly be able to say I understand.
I wouldn't be so in love with a happy life and appreciate the great times- because I wouldn't have experienced the bad.
I faced my biggest fear right in the face and laughed recently.
By the grace of God- we can do anything.
Even overcome what seems impossible.
Remember- you can do anything, just not everything.
You CAN and you WILL.
In the big scheme of things, a bad day is only 24 hours.
Vulnerability is hard for me. But what is harder is having friends take their lives because of a preventable illness.
If ANY of you need to talk, here is my email. I'd love to be there for you: